I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
