3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
