Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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