I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i drank out of a bidet.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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