At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The ass gains better be worth it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
