i wish starbucks made bloody marys
and she was petting her beer can
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sorry about my life...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
