coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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