don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
