He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
