his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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