Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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