First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
