ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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