3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
