the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
