So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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