Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
