There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
