My liver just broke up with me...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You've changed since you got that strap on
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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