dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
