my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
