He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize