I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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