Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Let's get the cat blown out
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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