I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
