Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
