how can u be prego again
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
