She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
