Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
