Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
