i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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