I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
