I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
