you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
