My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
