My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
