i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
