HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
