I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize