I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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