lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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