we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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