Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
