thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
