Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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