i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
