dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize