break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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