he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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