I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
