who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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