we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just high enough for therapy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
