If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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