i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
