buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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