That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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