Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
