Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
