Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just threw up on my dentist
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
