Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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