The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it was like eating out sand paper
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
