I'm laying in your front yard are you home
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
