belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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