Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
