I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
