Man, jail baloney is awful.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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