Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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