Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
